Sorry I've not been around much lately, moving house is a bitch. But I'm here, and settled and 5kg heavier :Z
Not doing so well and still dont have the internet so am writing this very shiftily from the corner of a library paranoid someone will see. Will update you all again later. I still love this site and you girls and I promise I'll be back soon.
Love
-Clara

What is it about spliff that is soooo wonderful. I dont feel guilty or heavy, i dont feel unusual. I feel completely relaxed  and at peace with who i am and the world. On the other hand I also get dopey, sleepy and hungry lol. At least the move will help me quit as my supply will dry up in a town where im friends with no stoners.
Ah well, sorry for my little illicit ramble

I have just gotten all my details about cancellation fees right, Its going to cost me 800 FUCKING DOLLARS to disconnect my phone/internet and pay out my contract. The minimum monthly repayment is 90 dollars which is what I'm paying for my internet anyway. FUCK FUCK FUCK. So thats 800 + 290 to pay out my foxtel contract + 220 for plane and baggage fee's + my landlord wants me to pay for the apartment to be carpet cleaned and fumigated. Where the HELL do people find that amount of money?? I HATE MOVING HOUSE AND I HATE BEING POOR!
I hope to hell I can find someone to take over my contracts, otherwise I'm fucked.
-Clara

I have just gotten all my details about cancellation fees right, Its going to cost me 800 FUCKING DOLLARS to disconnect my phone/internet and pay out my contract. The minimum monthly repayment is 90 dollars which is what I'm paying for my internet anyway. FUCK FUCK FUCK. So thats 800 + 290 to pay out my foxtel contract + 220 for plane and baggage fee's + my landlord wants me to pay for the apartment to be carpet cleaned and fumigated. Where the HELL do people find that amount of money?? I HATE MOVING HOUSE AND I HATE BEING POOR!
I hope to hell I can find someone to take over my contracts, otherwise I'm fucked.
-Clara

doing ok. Yesterday 50 cal, today 200 cal soup. Still going strong I dont feel like i fucked up. Its only soup, and I'm doing liquid fast including soups cause I want to do it for so long, I need something for energy.
I'm getting my nails done tomoro. Moving savings are now pushing 1100 if I can avoid my landlord for the next 25 days so i can have time to work out a payment plan for my debt.
Hopin to have close to 2000 by the time I leave.
-Clara

I did something very very naughty. My ex bf has been giving my number out to sleazy arseholes, so I made a profile on adultmatchmaker.com, made it very very slutty, and in 1 day i got 126 messages. I replied to every single one with my ex's number then suspended my account. I'm so bitchy but I dont even care cause of all the SHIT he has put me through.
Revenge is sweet

I just realised how often I'm purging lately. Does anyone know at what point you pass the line from ednos to mia? It feels scary that my ed tendancy is changing, I like it when its solid and predictable.

WOOT
I've lost 6.4 pounds since MONDAY. I didnt even know that was possible lol. Ah well, there has to be some benefit to having so much flab to loose, its easy to lose when you have it, its when you are periously close to perfection that you have to start fighting tooth and nail for every pound lost.
My waist is looking more and more defined. I have to lose more before sep 24th as I'm seeing all my friends, and I HAVE TO be thinner by then.
love all you ladies, SO MUCH. I dont think I could do it without you guys supporting me and each other.
stay strong :)
-Clara

small fail. well, no, big fail. I got to the gym today, and did a solid, hard hour. And I FINALLY got to some scales and was shocked to find that even though I've been binging and not exercising much for the last fortnight I have only gained a pound. However, I was aiming for 500cal today and I had 850. I'm hoping the gym coupled with about a half hour pushbike and walking will even it out. I'm now at 140, which is still huge, but better, cause I was 162 before my last stint at abc, about 2 months ago. I'm hoping with my 500c under and gym I can lose that amount again. My UGW being 105. (I'm 5'10).
Anyway. I love the communities on here, they are inspiring me to be strong again, and not be weak and fat.
-Lessenme

Some lovely thinspo, mostly elegant, some nudity so be careful. NSFW.
I have credited the ones I know but if you know who the others are please let me know so I can credit them also.

( Thinspo )

Sorry for disappearing for a while. I love this community too much to leave again, you ladies are wonderful, and I cant do it alone.
Hope you like the thinspo :)

-Lessenme

Am starting ABC tomoro again, at midnight (50 minutes). Please please please someone add me to msn, aim or yahoo I could reallllllly use the support. Life is really stressful atm and I keep getting overwhelming urges to binge.
Get in touch if you want to talk,
Will post some thinspo soonish
-Clara

Ok, end of day 3 ABC, 289cals. A salad with 40grams avacado, 5 cherries a small apple and a grape. Not bad, considering yesterday I was 191cals under my max, and day 1 I was 145 cal under. I'm very full and have started cutting everything up. Like, my fruit salad had my cherries cut in 4 pieces each, and the apple in small section so that when I ate them with my fork, they seemed like a much bigger meal.
I hope you are all doing really well,
-Clara

Name - Clara
Age? - 21
Ed or not? - I was diagnosed as COE as a 13 year old, and as i got older have become more and more obsessed with being thin. Guess I transferred my food obsession to losing it instead of comforting myself with it.
Highest weight? - 242 (14 yo)
Lowest weight? - 96 (19 yo)
Current weight? - 140
Ultimate goal weight? - 95
Height? - 5'10
Cutter? - I used to very...severely, but I hope to never do it again.
Age you started loosing weight? - Around age 16, though I've yo-yoed for years
Are you doing it for you or someone else? - I guess influenced by others, but for me.
Diet pills? - No.
Laxatives? - Yes, unfortunately.
Alcohol? - ex alco, I try not to drink at all but fall off the wagon sometimes.
Drugs? - If you can smoke it, or snort it I've probably done it. I think I've tried most of the soft drugs. Everything but heroin and ice illicit wise. Clean now for 3 years 4 months.
Smoke? - socially
Hardest foods to avoid? - Ummm...crisps, and deep fried stuff, chocolate, really nice bread with butter and biscuits.
Current diet plan? - ABC atm, starting fresh. before that just below about 500-700cal.

for some reason i decided to count my scars. 98 on my arms. I stopped after that, too scared to contemplate my legs or stomach. Dont know why i posted this...but i did.
-Clara

ARGH, so I did my weigh in at the gym yesterday and I had GAINED 2 kilo (4.4lbs) since the 22nd, and then I went today and I had gained another 1.25 kilo(2.75lbs) OVERNIGHT because of last nights binge! even though i fasted and have been doing abc, aparently my binge cancelled all of that out and now I'm gynormous! So I'm fasting for a few days - until tuesday if possible, if I can with my friend still staying with me, following me around 24/7. I love her, I do, but having someone with you ALL THE TIME, is so stressful. I'm the kind of person who needs alone time and I'm going insane. Add into that that she eats like a pig, and she is smaller then me. I dont understand how someone can eat like that and still be tiny. I swear yesterday she had at least 6000 calories in lollies and about 4000 calories in chips and pizza. its insane. I managed to keep it under 1500cals with my binge but it was fucking hard with all my fav food around and her stuffing her face. ARGH. Support would be STRONGLY appreciated.
-Clara

2nd of July - No liquids or food. Woot
3rd of July - 1 apple, so far.
Will be thin. Will be strong

Sorry I havent been on lately, my computer died and my wonderful father gave me $1000 for my birthday, and i bought a laptop with it. Woot. I totally mucked up ABC with my birthday but back on it strong tomoro. I've lost another 16cms and 5kilo in the last 7 days. I feel fat and gross and bloated, but hopefully I havent put on all of that again. I wont go on for too long, I have a weeks worth of posts to catch up on lol.
hope you are all doing well, stay strong and think thin
-Clara

Ok...Family dinner went...ok. My gran was her usual opinionated self, and she made my father feel like crap cause she didn't like her christmas present from him, and she tore into it and told him how crap it was for which I wanted to hit her, but I didnt, and me and him just sat there and took it. She didnt mention my scars like she did last time, (thankgod) and my pop was very quiet so I hope he is ok.
we had veggie curry with rice and pappadums, apple pie with custard in it and icecream. Thankfully it was 'serve yourself' so I put a tiny amount of rice on my plate and 1 scoop of curry. I ate all the vegg in my curry then mixed the rice with the sauce, and put the rest aside, so it looked like I'd had more. With desert I turned down the icecream cause I'm lactose intolerant, lets here it for allergies lol, and I picked at my pie and only ate the fruit, and one piece of crust about a table spoon worth. I figure I'm under 800 cals today (fingers crossed). Please, how many cals do you guys think it might of been? So day 3 of abc is completely blown, and I've probably put on a few pounds, but I"m going to take laxies tonight and work it off at the gym tomoro. hopefully.
my pop, when I was leaving, said 'what would you like for your birthday, the usual?' the usual is $100 and a box of choccies. Then he had a hard look at me and said, 'no chocolates this year?' ASS. I know I'm fat I dont need it pointed out constantly by my perfect frickin family. My dad is the only one who stands up for me or knows anything about me, and he is a very thin, very tall athlete so he doesnt really understand the weight issues I have - not that he knows much about them.
Anyway.....I'm really glad I was able to resist all that food, and I'm proud of that, but now I feel like a fat pig over what I did eat. :(
I hope everyone else is going ok.
with abc, is it possible for me to work out how many calories over the limit I was today, then subtract it from the next two days, so it ends up the same? I had no more then 200cals on my 500 cal days anyway....so does that even out?
Hope all you lovely ladies are doing well, I love this site and you are so wonderful and supportive.
Much love
-Clara

so....I honestly don't know how I"m doing this. Between 9.30am yesterday and 11am today, I have lost 1.1kg (2.42 pounds). How! lol. I'm so happy about it though, I don't feel as scared about tonight now, cause I know I'm strong, and I can turn down the rice, eat only vegs, no pappadums, and I think I'll just eat the filling out of the pie with no icecream. :) I'm lactose intolerant so at least thats a valid excuse not to have cream or icecream :)
funky. Ok, so I'm still worried about tonight, but I've only had 1/2 a protein bar today, and I wont have anything else til I get to my grandparents. :)
Hope you are all doing well. Stay strong, think thin and remember, fridge pickers wear bigger knickers!
-Clara